Wrestling Society X Episode 3 review

Episode three of WSX features three matches, two tag-team matches and one singles match, plus musical guests Sparta.

Sparta, a band I've never heard of before open the episode up to a dead crowd and pipped in cheers.

A short video recap of the WSX title match from episode 2 is played, then followed by a pre-taped promo from Vampiro, the WSX Champion. It's your standard dark promo, he's sitting on the floor, saying how the title means more to him than his life.

Enough of that mopey shit, We got us a match!

(Kay)Fabien Kaelin bounces around the ring and announces that the following tag-team match will be one-fall with a 10 minutes time limit, glad to hear that WSX has at least one rule.

From "Any damn trailerpark they please", which could possibly be in West Memphis,Arkansas, the team of Nate Webb and Josh Raymond, the Trailer Park Boyz.

 The TPB are managed by Johnny Webb and I'm relieved that he isn't wrestling, I don't think I can stand watching him drop guys on their heads.

The Filth and the Fury,Teddy Hart and Matt Cross, are out next and it's flippity floppity flop time! Lets count how many times somebody goes to the top.

Ted Hart loves the pussy

Teddy and Josh start off and a frontface lock leads to a series of wristlock reversals. Double tag and Cross dropkicks Nate Webb while Webb was doing an Ultimo Dragon style corner headstand.

Spot #1 A Matt Cross split-leg moonsault for a two count.

Cross irish whips Webb into the opposite corner and then hits a leg scissors-facebuster combo that send Webb to the outside, Mdogg fakes an outside dive on a stunned Webb.

Josh Raymond tries a Pearl Harbor, but eats an elbow from Cross, Hart leapfrogs in and is somehow the legal man now, guess AAA rules apply?  Hart gets a cradle ddt on Raymond and then a spring board moonsault. Spot#2 

Cross follows this up with spot#3: a Corkscrew springboard moonsault

The commentary team mention again that there's no outside mats.

Bill Watts, ahead of his time.

Hart goes up for spot#4, he tries a moonsault while Cross holds Webb in a backbreaker, but it backfires and he ends up getting two feet in his face.

Hart really starts taking a shellacking, but then thinks to himself, "Why sell? I'm Teddy Hart" so, he hits a flipping tiger driver on Webb, gets grabbed by Raymond and takes a double-underhook shoulderbreaker, what a mouthful!

Meanwhile, Cross goes for spot #5, a doublestomp and gets a two count.

Hart must be tired of wrestling and decides to kill Webb outside the ring via electrocution.

Cross hits a huge frankensteiner and grabs spot#6

Hart follows up with an Open Hart Surgery through a table. Spot#7

Which brings up to the finish and the 8th spot, Cross nailing a shooting star leg drop on Raymond for the 1-2-3.

This match was just a Filth and the Fury showcase, which is ok with me since I don't care for the TPB. It was a fun highspot of a match, highlighted by Hart's more is more philosophy.

Before the second match, we get backstage clips and a video recap of the fued between Luke Hawx and Alkatrazz and Los Pochos Guapos.

These four men will settle their differences in a TLC match:tables,ladders, and cervezas. AY DIOS MIO!

Time for the second match of the night as The White Masked Man, no really that's his name, makes his way down to the ring.

I'll just be referring to him as Hombre, or Generico, or both.
His opponent, Teddy Hart's bbf, Jack Evans.

Hope you want some more flippity flops. Evans starts things off with his breakdance routine, while I'm still stuck trying to do the Crusher. 

"A little boogie woogie, a little shuckin and jivin"

Hombre kicks Evans mid bboy stance to get the action underway and take control. Big springboard clothesline by Hombre takes Evans' head off and Jack takes a breather outside.

A series of reversals leads to Hombre hitting a fisherman buster for the 2 count.

Sparta are a waste of commentary space and no where near as enjoyable as Three 6 Mafia. The regular commentary team mention that Jack Evans is undefeated, which is correct, Evans sits at an unprecedented 1-0!

Evans gets back on offense with a springboard moonsault elbow strike for a 2.

Evans sets up a hits the 630 splash for the victory and his undefeated streak is still alive.

Match was meh.

Before the main event, we get a Matt Classic video package. I love the Matt Classic gimmick and I'm glad Colt Cabana continues to use it from time to time.

Main Event time as Hawx/Altrazz are first out

LPG hit the ring in what should be a HUGE spotfest of awesomeness 

This shit is hard to call, so it's time for glorious gifs!

A baseball slide doesn't score LPG any points.

They get a measure of revenge with this ladder seesaw spot.

Aguilera's weakness comes out with this planted mamacita.

"Aren't you the guy who stabbed John Cena in a nightclub?"

Kaos misses a moonsault and a series of spots take place.

Kaos gets the table and Aguilera grabs the beer.

Some communication between the LPG cost them the match as Kaos gets a face full of beer bottles and then powerbombed through a table. 1-2-3, Hawx and Alkatrazz get the win.

Thanks for reading

-N.R.Perez

On a different note, I might be permanently switching over to wordpress, I'm going to give them a try and see how I like it. 

TNA Knockouts Lockbox Challenge

How do you take a championship title and completely strip it of all its value? Well, TNA managed to do this in two hours.
If you're confused, I'm talking about the Knockouts Lockbox Challenge, an idea so void of logic and storyline that it makes the Steel Ayslum match look like WarGames.

We're backstage with Christy Hemme as she's interviewing Team Tara: Hamada, Tara, Angelina Love, and ODB.

Tara was the Knockouts Champion at the time and involved in a blood feud with Daffney, which included a first blood match and Daffney stealing Tara's pet spider, Poison.

"TNA wants ratings!" -Tara. Cracking a 1.0 is like double Christmas for the folks down in Dixieland. Tara says she plans to pin somebody's ass, I hope it's Daffney's or Velvet's.

Angelina wants the title, which is a no-brainer, wouldn't all of them want the Knockouts title? 

ODB's box, complete with her patting her groin region( where the underpants go) is going after the open contract for any match, which she'd then use to go after "AJ's booty,BAM!", all this talk about boxes and other peoples asses. The segment ends with Hamada speaking Japanese. Priceless.

We then cut to The Beautiful People's lockerroom, where an ecstatic Lacey Von Erich can't wait to show everyone her underpants(how un-sexy is that word)

Time for Knockouts! Boxes! Keys! The loss of all thought and logic! TNA Knockouts Lockbox Showdown(Challenge) is next!

"If you like Knockouts and you like boxes, you're gonna love whats next." -Tazz.
To think that Tazz was once relevant.

This concept match starts off with a backstage clip of Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne "stretching", creeper cam is activated as Velvet pinches Madison's ass.

 When will TNA learn that if men want softcore porn, there's ultra highspeed free porn virtually everywhere online. 
Lacey Von Erich interrupts with a pair of frilly underpants in her hand, the Beautiful People become giddy schoolgirls over it, and a hard cut to the ring for Team Tara: Tara, ODB, Hamada, and Angelina Love.

Team Beautiful People are out next and consists of: Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne , Lacey Von Erich, and Daffney.
Since both teams have made it to the ring, its time to go over the rules, just try to follow along with me, Mike Tenay says, that its an elimination tag team match, once a pinfall occurs, both knockouts are eliminated, winners receive a key to open one of four boxes. The lockboxes contain: the Knockouts title, an open contract for a match of their choice, Poision, Tara's spider, and forced to do a striptease.

Tazz damn near swallows his tongue as he tries to say that the Beautiful People have piston-like butts.

 Rayne and Love open with a collar and elbow tie-up, Love slaps a headlock on Rayne and tags in Tara. Rayne tries to take control and puts Tara's head between her thighs for some weird headscissors/pound Tara's head into the mat.

 Tazz quips in that this move is very popular in Mexico. Tenay, having called great cruiserweight action in WCW, should of known this.
Rayne goes to the top for the Flair spot and Tara grabs her for  a backpack stunner, a three count, and the first key.

Daffney storms in a delivers an elbow strike to Love and brings her into the ring with a hiptoss.

*Commercial break*

During the break, Daffney catches Hamada with a single knee Codebreaker after rolling out of the way of Hamada's textbook moonsault, eliminating her, claiming the second key, and costing us the chance to possibly see Hamada in her underpants.

You know you'd tune in to see this.

ODB vs Velvet and more inane Tazz commentary, including a reference to WCW's "X" on a pole match, good times, good times.

ODB seems to be in control after a fallaway slam and a kip-up that included an ass-shot, I think Tazz found an even un-sexier word than underpants, bloomers.

ODB gets a two on Velvet, Sky then reverses a firemans carry to a ddt for the three count and third lockbox key. Yes, an average, run of the mill ddt puts away ODB. Now we're just down to Angelina Love and the pride of the Von Erich family, Lacey.

I honestly think I'd be a better wrestler than Lacey, she's David Flair with big balloon boobs, and just like Flair, I'm certain there's one or two Puerto Rican men that would love to jerk off on her face.

Love sends Lacey into the corner, then into the opposite corner, and finally she runs into Lacey's very telegraphed boot. Von Erich goes to the top, does a moonsault to her feet, and misses an elbow drop. Love takes advantage and hits the reverse STO for the win and final lockbox key.

I should probably mention that this took place during the sixth week of the "New Monday Night Wars"

 Last segment of the night and time for the Knockouts to open their boxes. I imagine Vince Russo was giggling the entire time when he was coming up with this crap.

First up is Velvet Sky, her box contains the open match contract.

 Tara is next to open her box, but before she does, Jeremy Borash mentions that Tara has never striped before in her wrestling career. Guess no one in TNA ever heard of a bra and panties match.

This never happened!

Tara gets her pet spider back,which also means that she isn't the Knockouts Champion anymore, so she lost her title without losing a match? Great booking TNA.

 It's down to Angelina Love and Daffney, one will be the new Knockouts Champion and the other will be forced to strip. What makes this "striping box" even more of a dumber idea is, that all of the Beautiful People and Angelina Love basically wrestle half-dressed. Velvet Sky's butt is usually out for all the world to see, so why would the chance to see her strip be more appealing and make fans want to watch this episode of IMPACT compared to any other episode? I'm thinking toooo much about this, let's go to the finish.

Angelina Love is the new Knockouts Champion and poor Daffney has to strip for all the nerds in the IMPACT Zone.

 The Scream Queen tries to hightail it to the back, but JB says she'll be fired if she doesn't go down to the ring and strip. Considering how TNA treats its talent, Daff should of packed her bags and went back to North Carolina.

Daffney reluctantly gets in the ring and starts her "striptease", which involves taking off her tiny hat, choker, and baring her shoulders.

 

After Daff bares her shoulders, Lacey Von Erich rushes to the ring and hits Daffney with the "ugly stick", a pink baton that must be made of steel or lead, as Daff lays on the mat for the rest of the show.

Lacey does the only thing she's good for and while she's showing off her underpants, Tara and Love are bickering over the Knockout title, which leads to a brawl to the ring.

Lacey is still striping, Daff is still on the mat, Tara and Love are still brawling, when Velvet Sky gets a mic and gives a tour-de-force performance. She says she'll cash in her open match contract for a leather and lace match against Angelina Love on next week's IMPACT. She didn't challenge for the title? Who drew up this open contract, Roddy Pipper? 

The final mention of someone's ass, as Velvet plans to kick Angelina's all over the ring, which should please the IMPACT Zone nerds.  That's how the episode ends;Daffney on the mat while a talent-less bimbo dances around, Tara and Angelina get broken up by security, and Velvet laughs from the entrance ramp.

What did this accomplish? Tara's hot feud with Daffney was killed, she lost her title without having a match, and was left directionless after this. The talents of Daffney and Hamada were wasted, Daffney was turned face because of the Von Erich attack, only to turn heel again in a matter of weeks. It was an overbooked mess just to get Lacey to strip and to have the title involved in the Angelina Love-Beautiful People feud.


Here's a little bonus for you, brought to you by R.D. Reynolds, TNA FACTS: There have been very few people in this company that had the ability to move ratings at all. Believe it or not, for a period of time, an appearance by Daffney of all people did move the needle and get more viewers to tune in. Those in charge of TNA knew this, and thus decided to stop booking her on television.

Here's what we missed out on

Double bonus: The complete Lockbox Challenge

Thanks for reading
-N.R. Perez

Muscle Rock Madness!

If it wasn't for RD Reynolds and all the fine folks over at Wrestlecrap, then I wouldn't of known about this 32 minute hybrid of wrestling and hair metal. Now, after watching this, I don't know whether to thank them or curse their very existence.

Strap yourself in and keep your eyes peeled like Alex Delarge, cause we're really in for a true horror show.

 The International Wrestling Federation and the last dying breath of the 80's presents: Muscle Rock Madness!

Right out of the gate and we're greeted with three things that'll accompany us through this madness: 1.Hair metal

 2. Wrestling

 3. Boobs!

Clips of random unknown wrestler after unknown wrestler are cut between clips of Unknown 80's hair-metal band cheesing out on stage. I have a feeling we'll be in for more or less of the same:

cheese metal

wrestling

and boobs

Only a minute and a half into this and I'm ready to stop watching and delete it from my computer. On a side note, I had never heard of the IWF until this crap hit my computer screen back.

One more time for boobs

After a clipfest that nearly lasted four minutes, we get our first match; a tiny and portly Mexican man, oh shit! This isn't a match, but various clips of said Mexican, Mondo Guerrero.

You know that feeling you get when you're stuck with a Stephen or Daniel Baldwin movie and you'd rather have Alec? Yeah, same goes for poor Mondo.

Guerrero joins the generics onstage as they jam out a tune dedicated to Eddie's brother.

Did I mention mention that he's wrestling a shark in one of the clips? No, not Sharkboy or John Tenta, but a man in a shark outfit, complete with a fin on the back.

We finally get the actual match between Mondo and the man shark, but not before we get a good look at Guerrero as the long lost member of Demolition, Onomatopoeia.

Commentary for Mondo V. Shark is provided by Screaming Jackass #1 and Screaming Jackass #2. The Bon Jovi coverband is still jamming away and switch to an EVEN more generic sounding song, Shark attack. I was waiting for Mondo to jump this shark, but it sadly never happened.

This crowd is D-E-A-D, dead and the commentary is barely audible over the blaring "music", the band eventually stops playing and the commentary is audible, but I wish it still wasn't, as one guy tries to sound like Jesse Ventura.

Mondo randomly wins the match as its awarded to him after the shark gets tossed outside the ring, was it by count-out? A dq finish,maybe? 

"I don't always win boring, botch-filled matches, but when I do, I have no fucking clue how."

Post match, Guerrero hits the shark with what looks like a plastic chair.

This fucking mess of a "match", not including the various clips before it, went about 15 minutes, which is 14 minutes and 30 seconds longer than I wanted it to go.

Match#2,in what the commentary team put over as "Rock n' Roll and wrestling at its best", is between the #3 contender for the womens championship, Goldielocks

and her opponent,the #2 contender, Reggie Bennett

The All 80's coked-out band break into She's gotta be Mine for this womens match. Both ladies are sporting aerobic gear in what will surely be a 5 Meltzer classic.

*SWERVE* The ref, a Tony Clifton look alike named Handsome Harry grabs the mic and cuts a small heel promo.

Just look at Goldie's face. Priceless.

Handsome Harry wants respect, but I doubt he'll find any in this dump. The match, if you want to call it a match, wasn't much to see. It started with a Goldie applying a headlock, which I'm certain is what the sleeping crowd wanted to see, but the Randy Orton special gets reversed into a headscissors, surely to satisfy all those creepers out there. The mat classic of moves, Goldie powers out and slaps another headlock on Reggie.

Kind of hard to focus with Reggie's arse being out.

Even with two women rolling around in thong leotards, the crowd is still deader than Elvis. Thankfully, it doesn't last long, as 7 pure minutes of hell end when both women turn on Harry. No contest. I give it -5 Meltzers.

Time to back to more random wrestling clips set to a song that makes Hulk Hogan's American Made theme sound like a Grammy hit, American Strong. 

America: boobs, fat guys with mullets, and more boobs. God bless the USA!

After the tribute to Merica( FUCK YEAH!) A Bad Dudes clip vid is shown next, who are a generic heel tag-team with a bitching theme, which includes the lyrics: walking hammerlocks and muscle coated stone.

They saved the best for last, one for the ages, one which I've uploaded to youtube and will also insert here: The Bad to the Bone parody, Samoan to the Bone.

                      

Wrestling Society X Episode 2 Review

Time to go back to the WSX bunker for episode 2!

This episode featured Three 6 Mafia as the musical/commentary guests, and three matches: Human Tornado vs. Luke Hawx, Team Dragon Gate vs. That 70's Team, and the main event for the WSX Championship, Vampiro vs. 6-Pac.

Three 6 Mafia open the show as a massive crowd of white people bounce up and down, a quick recap of episode 1's action, and we're down to the ring for the first match.

Fabian Kaelinis once again tries his best to sound like a coked-up Vince McMahon screaming down a WWF PPV card from the 80's. Luke Hawx is first to hit the ring, a former XPW death match champion, previously known as Alter Boy Luke. Since WSX, Hawx has about doubled in size, opened up his own school and promotion, Wildkat Sports, and was kicking ass in Extreme Rising.

There's one thing that has bothered me ever since WSX went off the air, what the hell is the Romper Stomper?  Let me explain; Hawx's nickname is the Southern Stomper and the Romper Stomper was listed as his WSX signature move. A google search on said move yielded no results; could it be like the Garvin Stomp or Low-Ki's Ghetto Stomp? I decided to go to the man himself and ask Hawx.

There you have it, the Romper Stomper could be anything. A broader google search for the definition of a romper stomper gave these results: 1. An Australian toy, hard plastic cup that would strap to the bottom of your shoes. 2. A nickname for platform boots and the Australian skinheads that fashioned them.

Back to the match! Human Tornado dances his way down to the ring and the match starts with a test of strength lock-up, Tornado gets out of it by an Akeem-styled arm jive. A pissed off Hawx sends HT into the ropes, pops him up, and then kicks him square in the nuts, Tornado no-sells the ball kick and the commentary team put over that he's got balls of steel.

Maybe Tornado trained with Duke Nukem, or practiced "internal control" with Pai Mei and mastered the ability to suck his testicles into his body and move them around at will. Who knows?

Tornado hits Hawx with a pimp slap after the nut kick, but gets caught with a HUGE t-bone suplex and eats a spin kick. 1-2-and HT kicks out.

Hawx gets tossed outside and sells a baseball slide that spills him over the crowd rail.  Tornado flies over the top with a front flip and throws Hawx back in the ring after they recovered from the splash. Hawx looks to take the lead with a roundhouse, but Tornado pulls out a tornado ddt after a series of irish whip reversals.

Post match sees Hawx Pearl Harbored by Aguilera, one half of Los Pochos Guapos, you may know him as the man who "stabbed" John Cena in a Boston nightclub.  Alkatrazz, Hawx's tag-team partner comes in for the save, but gets cut off by other other half of LPG, Kaos. The double team on Alkatrazz ends when Aguilera reveals his weakness: the mamacitas. Yes,some untimely flirting with the women in the crowd results with Kaos getting an enzurgira from Hawx and crashing through an in-ring table.

The match was decent for what it was; to show off some of the abilities of Hawx and Human Tornado, and to set up a feud between Hawx/Alkatrazz vs. Los Pochos Guapos. 

A video promo from the Filth and the Fury, the tag team of Teddy Hart and MDogg 20, I'm guessing Hart is the filth of this combination, since Mdogg is straight edge.

Second match of this episode is a tag team bout between That 70's Team( Joey "Magnum" Ryan and the Disco Machine) vs. Team Dragon Gate( Horiguchi and Yoshino)

That 70's Team are out first, complete with their own personal disco ball. Team DG are quick to hit the ring, and quick would be the best word to describe this match; Hori and Ryan start it off with a series of wristlock/headlock/hammerlock reversal. Double tag and we get a running the ropes dropdown spot that ends with Yoshi dropkicking the disco man, Disco Machine tags in Ryan and we get another run the ropes drop down spot, Ryan ducks a clothesline and goes for a dropkick, Yoshi ran out of fucks to give and walks away from it; pointing to his head and indicating that he's too smart to fall for it.

The match comes to a screeching halt as Ryan signals for a time-out and some inhaler action, a comedy spot that I feel was unnecessary. Ryan should of sprayed it in Yoshi's face and told him it was battery acid, you slime!  Disco Machine is back in and he shakes his stuff, which angers the men from Osaka(Pro?)

Unimpressed with his wiggling hips, DM gets a drop-toe hold-dropkick combo for his troubles. Horiguchi covers him for a 2-count!

Hori tries for a sunset flip and we get more dancing from the Disco Machine, who follows up with an elbow drop and a 2 count; double tag and Ryan and Yoshi are back in, Ryan gets his ass out from an attempted double-team sunset flip, then gets hit with the Lighting Spiral from Yoshi.  The count is broken up by Disco, who gets tossed out and slammed to the floor from Horiguchi's crossbody to the outside.

Ryan and Yoshino are still in the ring, Ryan reverses a tilt-a-whirl to a sidewalk for the 2 count, a superkick outta nowhere! gets the victory for That 70's Team; Horiguchi, upset over the lose, breaks the disco ball.

A good, fast-paced tag match with the only flaw being the inhaler spot, but it's part of Ryan's gimmick,so I guess it makes some sense.

*Trailer Park Boyz video promo. I don't have much to say on these guys, besides their a white-trash stable comprised of Josh Abercrombie, Nate Webb, and Johnny Webb, so unless you're big fans of CZW and IWA-Mid South, you aren't missing out on anything.

MAIN EVENT TITLE TIME: 6-Pac vs. Vampiro for the Wrestling Society X Championship.

Vampiro is being billed from the Darkest depths of Hell, which isn't too far from The Outer reaches of your Mind; Maybe he shares a duplex with Kane? Vamp happens to be wearing a biker vest decked out with Black Label Society patches,  the musicial guests from Episode 1. We get a long shot of a ringside coffin, and then the commentary line of the night.

Three 6 Mafia member DJ Paul had this to say about Vampiro, "That's one big white dude you DO NOT want to meet in an alley." 

This matches starts at 11 and never slows down; Pac throws a spinkick, delivers a few chops in the corner and tries to whip Vamp to the opposite corner, the resident of Hell blocks these attempts and delivers his own spinkick, which really looked like a spinning knee strike. The former 1-2-3 Kid kicks out of two and turns Vampiro's frankensteiner into a sitdown powerbomb for a 2 count.

Pac pulls off the Bronco Buster and then insults Vamp with the ol' crotch chop, he goes for the ass-tearing buster again and gets stopped by a big choke. Back on offense, Vampiro lifts Pac for the chokeslam and tries a reverse corkscrew from the top, Pac rolls and Vamp goes crashing to the mat. Syxx sends the Juggalo   to the outside with a dropkick, hits a frontflip splash, and gets a 2 count on the outside.

Vamp launches a running Pac into the turnbuckle post and we get multiple shots of this lady.

Vamp sets up a table and gets clotheslined when he turns around, Pac places the Canadian vampire on the table and climbs the turnbuckle, Vampiro briskly stands up and basically puts his head in Pac's armpit. Tornado ddt on Vamp and only a 2 count! The commentary team put over that falls count anywhere in WSX, I'm also guessing there's no DQ, because of the the first match nut kick.

X-Factor by the Lightning Kid, 2 count!

Time for the coffin spot; Vampiro grabs Pac and hits the tombstone piledriver through the coffin. The coffin must of been filled with proximity explosives and fireworks, cause the damn thing blew up like an early 90's WCW mini-movie( Spin the wheel-Make the deal was my favorite) Oh, and Vampiro wins!

When I started writing this, I didn't remember what the WSX title, thanks be to google for jogging my memory. Here it is, the Wrestling Society X Championship title

Haven't we seen this title before?

Well, that's it for episode 2! Don't know when I'll get around to 3.