Saturday, April 30, 2016

CBS's Justice League of America(1997)



In 1997 CBS acquired the tv rights to The Justice League, except for Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman. Despite not being able to use the big three of DC Comics, CBS pushed ahead and produced a Justice League pilot, which failed to even show in the US.



Taking place in New Metro, USA, the show opens with two meteorologists tracking a tornado coming towards the city, one of the meteorologists is played by Miguel Ferrer, best known for his role on Crossing Jordan, the other is played by a lady who would go on to "star" in Son of the Beach, a Baywatch parody.



Justice Leaguers get a distress call and begins to assemble, having to put their regular lives on hold: The Flash getting kicked out of his apartment, Fire dressed as a giant banana, and The Atom teaching high school science.

In place of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Women, we get Fire, The Atom, and later on, Ice; second and third string characters that only the nerdiest of nerds would recognize.

The only antagonist that they're going up against is The Weatherman, who is very very very loosely barely based on Flash villain, The Weather Wizard.

The Weatherman, sporting an East L.A. gang member look, demands 20 million dollars or he'll destroy the city. Golf balls begins to rain down on the city and hit a damsel that is clearly in distress. 
Green Lantern shows up and shields her with an umbrella he created with his power ring. They share a moment as she's oblivious to the fact that she is standing right in front of her boyfriend with a small mask on his face.



 Meanwhile, in another part of town, granny is having bushes thrown at her while she tries to get Mr. Whiskers to come out from under the house. Fear not, The Atom and 90's special effects come to the rescue.

Green Lantern and Fire rescue some construction workers, with Fire making sure to get in the quip, "break time is over,boys."
The Flash gets rid of the tornado and the episode shifts to a sitcom formula. 

The homeless Flash gets taken in by Green Lantern and The Atom and the three have a ham-fisted conversation about The Flash's life that goes on far too long. 
Blonde meteorologist is in the weather center's basement and science happens,giving her freezing powers. She boots it out of there freezes a body of water while trying to rescue a drowning man.

The League infiltrates some gala event to get files on The Weatherman. The Atom has a Superfriends moment and limbos with a security laser, complete with Limbo Rock playing in the background.

Blonde lady discovers Miguel Ferrer meteorologist is The Weatherman and smash cut to The League bringing blonde lady under a bridge and in a secret door.

I was hoping that they'd maybe bump into The Power Corps from the Double Dragon movie, but dream never come true in made for tv movies.

Instead of a young Alyssa Milano, we get a fat Martian Manhunter wanting Blondie McMeteorologist to join the Justice League.
I have to point out that the Martian Manhunter is one of the strongest characters in DC, on par with Superman. So why is he playing Zordon to The League? 

David Ogden Stiers was the man behind the manhunter, he was 55 at the time and had granddad bod. 


The Weatherman's demands weren't met and now he plans on destroying 60% of New Metro's population with a tidal wave. Green Lantern flys off like Mary Poppins to confront him and everyone else springs into low budget action.

Green Lantern reaches The Weatherman, who unleashes deadly stock footage waves onto the city. Fire and The Atom are green screening their way through the city's sky.

Pandemonium hits when Green Lantern fails to stop the tidal wave, but blonde lady gets her Queen Elsa on and freezes it.


The Weatherman is caught and becomes an afterthought to middle aged white in costumes talking to each other. Blondie short-hair gets sworn in and the credits start to roll, highlighting the actors.
Fire was played by Law and Order: SVU's Michelle Hurd, Matthew Settle, our low rent Green Lantern, would go on to be featured in Band of Brothers. John Kassir, who played The Atom, is best known for voicing The Crypt Keeper, and Kenny Johnston, hobo Flash, would go on to do stuff. oh, and ice ice blondie was played by Kim Oja.

I didn't find this to be particular bad, the effects and costumes are a level above Power Rangers quality, but I can look past that, considering that it's a tv production from the 90s.
The characters were nothing like their comic counterparts and the show pushed more of out of costume small talk, more sitcom than superhero.

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