Wrestlicious bonus match: Draculetta and White Magic vs. Team Blonde

This is a tag match that was never aired on Takedown, featuring White Magic, possible Papa Shango mistress and a Voodoo Queen(ROH's Lacey)

teaming up with Draculetta( Daffney) 

to take on the blonde team of Amber Lively( Madison Rayne) and 
Lacey Von Erich. 

I think Daffney is ridiculously underrated and it's unfortunate that her career was cut short. With the Draculetta character, the Scream Queen adds vampire to her list of gimmicks, which also includes: David Flair's psycho girlfriend, a shark, and Sara Palin; the woman has range.

Draculetta enters the ring after hanging upside down on the ring ropes, something we'd see Shelly Martinez do in wwECW as the tarot card reader turned vampire, Ariel.

Lacey Von Erich's nickname is the Texas Twister, a reference to her father's WWF name, the Texas Tornado. If only this was WSU or WEW, then she'd be known as the Texas Titty Twister.

The match starts off with a lot of stalling and puns are provided by Johnny C, "these two are ghouls gone wild."

Magic and Lively finally lock up for a test of strength, just for Magic to armdrag Lively and tag in Draculetta. Lively and Drac trade wristlocks and then unholy happens when Von Erich gets tagged in. Lacey keeps Drac in the wristlock, probably because it's the only hold she knew at the time, but she gets thwarted by Magic's voodoo doll.

Johhny C mentions that Lacey wrestles barefoot in honor of Kevin Von Erich, which should make it easier for the creepers to get pictures of her feet.

Crap happens as the camera man goes in and tries to get an upskirt shot of Lively.

This match has been all punches and kicks with the occasional wristlock thrown in.

White Magic does the fourth staple of the match: a corner choke on Lacey, which she follows up by doing a terrible                                  version of the chicken dance.

Draculetta gets tagged back in and crashes her ass into Lacey's face. A face full of ass almost gets the win, but Lively breaks

it up.

More punches, kicks, and crowd working happen. As much as I liked Lacey from her Ring of Honor days, I'd rather Nikki Roxx in her Voodoo Queen gimmick, Roxxi Leaux.

At some point, Draculetta gets Lively in what has to be one of the more interesting submission hold I've ever seen.

Drac slaps on a sleephold and Johnny C mentions Verne Gagne. Apparently, Gagne was the only wrestler to ever use a sleeperhold.

Lively starts to kick ass at the 11th hour, but comes up short with a two count. Lively worked this match by herself and the addition of Lacey was not needed, this match would of been better had it been a single match between Lively and either Draculetta or White Magic.

Lacey was able to get the claw on Draculetta, but White Magic giver her a whack with her voodoo stick and it's a DQ win the for the blondies.

Nightmare on Elm St. 2010

Boy, did this remake suck the big one. Thanks to Michael "explosions" Bay and his Platinum Dunes studio for this lethargic remake of what's arguably one of the best slasher films of all time. Platinum Dunes have yet to have a critical success,but every release always makes its money back and then some.

I didn't know what I was in for when I went see this in theaters with my wife, then girlfriend. Nightmare on Elm St. is one of my favorite horror series, easily beating out Halloween and Friday the 13th, but this remake joins 2009's Friday the 13th in the crap pile.

Before I dive into this, let me say that I don't entirely hate this movie, I prefer crappy movies, the crappier the better.

Let's start by talking about old pizza face, Freddy Krueger, this time Kruger is played by Watchmen star Jackie Earle Haley and I'm already unimpressed.

As far as I'm concerned, Robert Englund is Freddy Krueger, and though I think Haley did a good job with what he had to work with, his portrayal of Krueger is incomparable  with Englund's. His look of an actual burn victim wasn't frightening to me, if anything, it made me feel bad for the guy. I understand that they were going for a more realistic look, but sometimes over exaggeration is the way to go; it's a movie about a guy killing people in their sleep, realism should be the last thing this movie tries to achieve.

One big problem I had with this movie is the use of CGI-computer generated imagery. I prefer practical effects, which can be costly and hard to perfect. CGI saves time and money, sometimes at the expense of the value of the movie. Take the recreation of the famous bedroom wall scene, the one where Freddy presses against the wall above a sleeping Nancy. In the original Nightmare, it was a stuntman pressing his body against a sheet of spandex, in the 2010 remake, we get a CGI Freddy coming out of the wall in a ghost-like image.

Tina's death scene was also recreated, with new character Kris( Katie Cassidy) and while it did stick to the original, it was also neutered. No where near as creepy or bloody as the original.

The pairing of Rooney Mara and Kyle Gallner As Nancy Holbrook and Quentin Smith could be possibly worse than Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Gallner has what my wife and I like to refer as Chronic Sad Face, just look at this guy's sour puss, looks like he'll burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

Mara doesn't fair better as the "new" Nancy, she's suppose to be this awkward outsider that has no friends, which is a possibility, as the movie barely features any other characters besides Freddy, Nancy, Quentin, and the kid's parents. Heather Langenkamp's Nancy went through a character change and by the end of 1984's Nightmare, Nancy was a badass holding her own against Krueger. 2010's Nightmare has an insta-change from timid Nancy to a ball-busting badass. 

This movie has its highs,but it also has too many lows, but that could just be my opinion. I don't outright hate this movie and it was leaps and bounds better than say, Hellraiser: Revelations, which I also own. Overall, I'd say 2010's Nightmare was just a bad dream, you'll remember it, but it doesn't mean you liked having it, or in this case watching it.

Thanks for reading

- N.R. Perez

Thanks Freddy.

Top 5 Hottest Vampires

October 4th and I'm lagging behind, I was hoping to churn out an article everyday. Yeah, I have big dreams.

#5. Kristen Stewart(The Twilight series)

 K-Stew grabs the fifth spot and here's why; look at that expression, those hollow eyes and blank stare. She can burn a hole through your soul. The often lifeless Stewart makes a great vampire, you would think she's dead already by her "acting", but I'll always have a soft-spot for the awkward ones.


#4. Kate Beckinsale (Underworld series)

Beckinsale kicks ass in the Underworld series, doesn't hurt that the director is your husband, but that's besides the point.
Here's the rundown on why Beckinsale's Selene is a vampire hottie: Beckinsale's British accent, pale skin with dark hair, those piercing (fake) blue eyes, and it's all wrapped up in skin-tight leather.

#3 Vampirella (Warren Publishing character)

Ink and paper never looked so hot. Vampirella has been around since 1969 and this undead Mistress of the Night gets better looking with age! Wearing a barely-there red one piece, Vamp is usually drawn as a busty women with Hispanic features, she's a favorite of cosplayers and was even adapted into a direct to video movie back in 1996.

#2 Yvonne De Carlo( Lily Munster, The Munsters)

The Countess of Shroudshire knew how to please a monster, Frankenstein's monster, that is. The character of Lily would be played by four more actresses, but no one was as great as De Carlo.

#1 The Brides of Dracula( Dracula 2000)

Dracula must of been a polygamist; he already had three wives, who are supposedly sisters, shacked up at his castle, but he still craved for more women. The Brides have been adapted into a lot of movies and tv shows, but the hottest version has to be The Brides of Dracula 2000. Jennifer Esposito, Jeri Ryan, and Colleen Fitzpatrick make up this deadly trio and they all have bite.


Thanks for reading
- N.R. Perez

Rob Zombie's The Lords of Salem: What the Hell did I just watch?

It's finally October and I've been more than ready to sink my teeth( or fangs) into the macabre, the eerie, and all the stuff that's downright spooky. The horror business.

I recently rented Rob Zombie's latest film, The Lords of Salem, I'm a big fan of Zombie and whether it be new music or a new film, I'm bound to check it out. All of Zombie's previous films: House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Halloween, and Halloween 2, have been violent slashers and I welcomed the change of genre to the Satanic panic that is The Lords of Salem.

The story revolves around Heidi Leroc, a recovering drug addict and local dj for Salem, Massachusetts. Leroc is played by Zombie regular, his scream queen of a wife, Sheri Moon Zombie. Heidi is part of the "Odd Squad" with fellow djs Whitey and Herman, played by Jeff Daniel Philips, best known for being one of the Geico cavemen, and horror legend Ken Foree, who doesn't get a lot of screen time and this bummed me out a little; I would of liked more time devoted to Heidi's job and her interactions at the radio station.

Zombie is great at writing the everyday small talk and conversations that people have, which I feel is missing from Lords. Imagery and vision play the biggest role in this movie, it's a Satanic art house picture, like David Lynch dropping acid and quoting Anton Lavey.

The film doesn't jump into gear until our Sheri baby, Heidi, receives an unknown record from "The Lords", and doing the only logical thing a dj can do, she plays it on air one night. Thanks to cult researcher and Salem Witch trial authority, Francis Matthias, played by Bruce Davison, we find out that Heidi is a Hawthorne descendant and the Lords of Salem were a coven of witches who were killed by a Reverend Hawthorne, but not before they could curse the women of Salem and Hawthorne's descendants.

Heidi's mental state starts to deteriorate after listening to the creepy record, couple that with her creepy landlord and the landlord's two suspicious sisters, and the film's weird, but arty imagery of everything Satanic starts to run wild.

This wouldn't be a Zombie film without at least one shot of Mrs. Zombie's backside, which we get to see more than once.

The witches three have plans for Heidi- to give birth to the devil's child, which could be this little guy.

Yeah, did I mention this film has a lot of creepy imagery? 

I won't spoil the film, but I was a little let down by the ending, it was a moment that the whole movie built up to, that one grand scene that every horror movie should end on; Lords ended on a whimper,not a bang. 

Heidi's story was a sad one, the "sins" of her fathers wrecked her life and put her in the center of something no one should want. This movie is a horror tragedy, doesn't have a lot of substance to it, but is filled with flair and an eerie artistic atmosphere; Zombie had full creative control with  Lords and it shows.

I enjoyed it and plan on buying it in the near future.

Thanks for reading

- N.R. Perez