First Monday Night Nitro (09-04-1995)

The first episode of WCW's Monday Night Nitro was broadcasted from The Mall of America in Minneapolis, Minnesota.An apropos venue to hold this event, according to Mongo McMichael, who adds, "that don't mean you're digging around in the dirt with farm implements, baby!"

Bobby Heenan breaks up the Bischoff-Mongo moment and will be joining the two for commentary. Heenan left the WWF in December 1993 because of a paycut, in his final appearance for the company, he was thrown out of the building by Gorilla Monsoon.

Jerking the curtain tonight will be Brian Pillman and Jushin Liger. Pillman would be fired next year and spend some time in ECW before coming back to WCW, or that's what Eric Bischoff and Pillman had planned, but Pillman would sign with the WWF in June of 1996. 

Liger has been virtually everywhere in his career, finally having a match in the WWE back in July of 2015 for NXT Takeover: Brooklyn.

During Pillman's entrance, we got a slight look at Wild Cat Willie, WCW's ill-fated mascot.

   

 Liger takes control after the lockup with a cartwheel kick and some corner chops, capping it off with a sloppy landing moonsault for a two.

Liger works a headlock and gets more chops in the corner, whips Pillman to the opposite corner and takes a headscissors.

Now it's Pillman's turn to deliver corner shops and botch. A hurra-can't-rana only gets a two on Liger.

Liger gets Pillman in a surfboard and Heenan tells Mongo that he doesn't have to surf as he pays someone to do it for him.

Pillman delivers another headscissors, a loose one that Bischoff evens comments on. 

A spill outside later and Liger hits the Tommy Dreamer cannonball roll.

USA chant breaks out, giving Pillman the strength to fuckit-plex Liger outside the ring and follow it up with a crossbody.

Liger comes up short with a superplex, he goes up top for a jumping nothing and gets caught with a dropkick. He's able to regain control with a tiger bomb and a top rope frankensteiner, taking a note out of Scott Steiner's book and planting himself on top of his head.

Lame duck finish: Waist lock switcharoo and Pillman reserves into a rollup for the 3.

Cut to rhinestone cowboy Sting cutting a pretaped promo on Ric Flair for their match tonight, followed up with a voiceover for SlimJim, and Mean Gene shilling the WCW hotline, now with trivia and merchandise offers! Just a buck 49, so call now!

Commercial spot for the Batman Forever videogame, which I had the misfortune of playing on the Super Nintendo when I was a kid.

How convenient that the debut episode of Nitro is taking place in the same building that houses Hulk Hogan's Pastamania.

 Hogan will be facing Big Bubba(Bossman) in the main event, putting his WCW world title on the line. He plans on stuffing Big Bubba with his second-rate spaghettiOs after defeating him later that night, it was the only mention of his match, with the rest of the promo a constant plug of Pastamania, brother!


Second match of the night is US champion Sting vs. Ric Flair.

 Mongo: I may just be an old punch-drunk jock, but even I know these two wrestlers are the purest in the world.

Mongo then brings up that Bobby Heenan never managed a world champion, which he did, for a short time at least, when Flair won the WWF World title in 1992's Royal Rumble.

Time for the history making spot, that's been featured on countless talking-head documentaries and countdown lists, Lex Luger sauntering to ringside in his 18-button dress shirt and just stands there.

Match finally gets underway and they both play to the crowd, two leapfrogs and two gorilla press slams later and it's all Sting. Flair takes a powder, building up his chickenshit gauge. 

An eye poke and chops in the corner is vintage Ric Flair, Bischoff's words, not mine. Sting starts to no-sell the corner shots and gives Flair a third slam, awkwardly hitting the ropes and waiting for Flair to dump them both out the ring.

 

Sting press slams Flair through the middle rope, misses his Stinger splash, but immediately no-sells till an elbow to the face knocks him down. 

Picking up back from the commercial break, Flair goes up top so Sting can slam him again.

 

Windbreaker Anderson shows up, but who's side is he on!

Flair is able to slap on the figure four and holds onto the rope. The ref can't get Flair to break the hold, despite counting to four twice, and justs calls the bell.

Anderson and Flair brawl to the back, further pushing Flair down the card and away from the US and World titles.

Scott Norton surprises the commentary team and gets in the face of Mongo, this is all to set up a match between him and Randy Savage, who saved Mongo. While security removes Norton from ringside, Bischoff throws to a hype video for Sabu.

Gene Mean announces the winner of a Harley Davidson, which begins a long period of killing time: WCW Saturday Night preview, commentary small talk, and lastly, a Michael Wallstreet promo.

Wallstreet calls the new generation, the few generation and that's why he's (back) here in the WCW. He also knows that the IRS will be watching him closely. Might as well just said, "hey Vince, screw you, they're paying me more."

Main event time. Big Bubba is out first in his finest fat guy business suit. Hogan hotdogs around and this match can be best summed up in the following picture

Loose headlock aside, Bubba does hit a good looking Stinger splash, but his offense doesn't last long, as Hogan starts his punch and kick comeback. For being the top babyface, Hogan does a lot of heel tactics: not breaking the five count, choking Bubba with Jimmy Hart's jacket, and even threatening to hit the ref.

You need CompuBox to keep up the number of punches thrown. A weak Bossman slam triggers the Hulk Up.

1.Punch

2.Punch

3.Big boot

4.Leg drop

5.1-2-3

The Dungeon of Doom come to break up the hotdogging and grandstanding, but get tossed by Hogan and Lex Luger, still in his fancy shirt. They nearly come to blows, but Randy Savage, Sting, and Jimmy Hart keep them separated.

Hogan and Luger go back and forth and back and it boils down to Luger wanting a shot at Hogan's title.

Hogan tells Luger that he doesn't have to prove himself to Hogan and that if he wants a match, he just needs to put out his stinky palm for Hogan to shake. 

One stinky palm shake later and Luger v. Hogan is set for next week's Nitro.

1992's failed Battletoads cartoon pilot

In 1991, Rare and Tradewest developed Battletoads for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was an attempt to cash-in on the success of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series that debuted four years earlier. 1992 would see Rare and Tradewest partner with DIC Entertainment to produce an animated pilot for Battletoads. The pilot was written by former TMNT head writer David Wise and aired in syndication in the United States during the weekend of Thanksgiving 1992.

 Opening theme is fast-paced Beach Boys style surf rock. The animation reminds me of The Super Mario Show, and I thought they would continue to ape the Ninja Turtles down to every detail.

 Princess Angelica, The last star child of The Blood, whatever that means, is being tailed by The Dark Queen. She is joined by  a talking chicken in a giant chicken spaceship.

 

Exposition chicken continues, mentioning the galatica amulet that the princess has and the queen wants.

Cut to human Alvin and the Chipmunks: Morgan, Dave, and George. They're being yelled at by their principal for being the biggest losers in the history of the school. The boys must stop hanging out with each other or risk suspension. It's never explained why they're losers, so they're just losers, just go with it.

George gets called a toad during the roughest game of street ball I've ever seen. He pulls a Shaq and breaks the damn backboard.

Dave isn't fairing any better with his schoolmates, but he does utter the first 90's line of the show, wimpomatic.

His school poster idea gets rebuked, it's ugly, but not as ugly as you, Dave! 

Morgan gets ridiculed by some guys working on a computer and makes the damn thing explode just by typing on it.

Professor T. Bird(get it?) and the Princess sneak off to a secret temple to get some Battletoad juice. The Dark Queen crashes the party and the prof says they need to head off to Earth, the most insignificant and backwards planet that isn't even worth conquering.

Back to our lovable losers in the town of Oxnard, California, they're hanging out at the Stop N Scarf, playing arcade games and dreaming about what every teenage boys dreams; cruising the galaxy and fighting aliens.

The bird and the professor come through one of the arcade cabinets to lay down some more exposition and offer these dweebs the toad juice, which sounds cosmetically cosmic to George.

The boys get slimmed from a seltzer bottle and transform into the (teenage) Battletoads, just as the villains pour themselves out of a Squishee machine. These ungrateful dorks almost let The Dark Queen get away with The Princess, but save her by throwing an ice cream cooler on top of her.

Testing out their "brain-bashing" powers with a food fight, a cover of Dick Dale's Misirlou plays in the background while the toads make food puns. There's a gag of the store clerk oblivious to what's happening around him.

Princess Angelica dubs the toadboys as Rash, Zits, and Pimple. Names that they think are psychotronic, incredible, and cosmoriffic.

Needing a place to stash the princess and the prof, they turn to their favorite teacher, who doesn't believe their story, even with an anthropomorphic chicken checking out his tv.

The princess and prof start to settle in, with T. Bird working an old car and Angelica getting a job at The Scarf N Donuts in her best sexy maid outfit.

Back at base, the bad guys come out of the washer and dryer with the battlecry: it's time to pop a zit, squeeze a pimple, and scratch a rash. Not the best of battlecrys, but it's on par with lets get warty!

The brain banging, mud stomping, mega toads make little work of The Dark Queen's jobbers, but while this happening, she is able to get the drop on Angelica and kidnaps her to the other dimension or planet or wherever.

The toads and T. Bird give chase in their toadster, the old car that Bird has been working on, and where they're going, they don't need tires, his words,not mine.

They easily scale the phallic tower where the princess is being held and stop the queen from blasting the princess, but can't stop the queen from smacking them around with her tornado attack.

Tired of getting their asses kicked, they turn the blaster intended for Angelica towards the tower's center and escape through the head of the tower's dome.

Crash landing back onto their school campus, they interrupt their principal eating a comically tall sandwich. The Mr. Weatherbee look alike isn't having it and wants to have the boys committed to the loony bin.

The Dark Queen returns in a saw blade saucer, vowing to destroy Earth, one mall at a time. The toads bounce into battle and board the saucer, walking into a trap. Luckily for them, The Dark Queen's henchmen have the aim of a Storm Trooper and bring their own ship down, causing the queen to retreat.

The show closes with the above graphic, unfortunately for Rare, Tradewest, DIC, and everyone who worked on this pilot, it was not the beginning, but more the end of the beginning. The pilot wasn't picked up, despite ads in Gamepro Magazine stating otherwise.

DIC Entertainment didn't give up though, they just waited till 1994 to try to capitalize on the turtles popularity with a new series called Street Sharks. This time around was a success and lead to a spin-off series in 1997, Extreme Dinosaurs.