Friday, January 27, 2017

Wrestling Society X Episode 5


Episode five of Wrestling Society X opens with a recap of Ricky Banderas throwing a fireball in Vampiro's face from the end of episode four.


The future Mil Muertes has taken umbrage with Vampiro because of an exploding casket; The Acme Corporation strikes again.

The rapper Jibbs is the guest commentator  tonight. 'Member Jibbs?


Some years have passed since I first started these reviews and WSX's ring announcer/ carnival barker has been a very busy man. Fabian Kaelin, as played by Ryan Katz, has appeared on WWE RAW as 
Stylez Monroe in Kane and Daniel Bryan's brilliant anger management segments.


In May 2015, Katz became a creative producer for WWE's NXT brand and has appeared on screen again, first as The Lemon, a member of Adam Rose's Rosebuds.

Secondly, being the barker featured in the titantron for The Vaudevillians.




After Kaelin does his spiel and the damn ring posts explode again, we get our first match of the night; a tag match pitting Team Dragon Gate(Yoshini and Horiguchi)



against The Filth and The Fury, the team of Straight-Edge Matt Cross and pot smoker extraordinaire Teddy Hart.
 

Hart and Yoshini start things off by trading arm drags, Japanese and otherwise, double tag is made and the spots start.
Cross fakes a suicide plancha and proceeds to parkour.


Jibbs is just happy to be there, barely pipping in unless prompted.

Team Dragon Gate start double teaming Cross once the action is back in the ring, but Cross comes back with the Jackie Chan and a fireman's carry neckbreaker, or if you want to be fancy, an ushigoroshi.

Commentary mentions that every match is falls count anywhere, something I don't remember, but it's been awhile, and on that note, it's time to go home.


Teddy Hart hits a flipping tiger driver and then both Filth and Fury perform stereo top rope splashes; a shooting star press and a corkscrew senton.

The Lovely Lacey of Ring of Honor is backstage with Scorpio Sky, fresh off his loss from Matt Sydal in episode 4. Sky challenges Jack Evans to a match, as Evans defeated Sydal and Sydal defeated him.
Shut up Harold!

Second match of the night is the Human Tornado vs 6-Pac. Tornado is out for revenge for being laid-off by Pac in the last episode.


Tornado wastes little time, kicking Pac out of the ring and following up with a flip, nearly landing on his feet.

They brawl a bit outside before getting back in the ring. Pac is able to gain control with the Bronco Buster, but misses a second attempt, letting Tornado have a House Party.


A battle on the top turnbuckle ends with a super X-Factor and the win for 6-Pac.


During a commercial break, Team Dragon Gate get abducted by some guys in a white van, possibly the same guys who kidnapped Samoa Joe.


Tonight's main event is the masked Delikado vs Arik Cannon.


Delikado is South California mainstay B-Boy, another WSX alumnus who would be a part of Lucha Underground; B-Boy portrayed Bael, the guy Matanza ate.

Delikado Pearl Harbors Cannon and commentary mentions that he never talks so he can never be called a snitch.

This match is cut short about ten moves in due to interference from a group of men we would later learn are The Cartel.
  
Cannon is double-stomped through a table, has his head shoved in wet cement, and finally, the final insult, a dead fish placed on his chest.























A dead fish named Lana

Friday, October 7, 2016

Freddy Metal: Krueger vs. Dokken



I was born in 1990, so glam/hair metal bands were all but dead by the time I started to listen to music on my own. After watching this video, I'm a little sad that I missed out.


The video Dream Warriors by Dokken is a rework of the opening scene from the movie.

This time around, Kristen is making a Dokken house.

She falls asleep in wakes up in dream world right when lead guitarist George Lynch starts riffing away.

Like in the movie, Kristen walks into the house after the little girl. 
She goes downstairs and watches the drummer play in the furnace, who isn't bothered by the surrounding flames and Kristen doesn't show any concern either.


World's tinniest drummer is a good attention grabbing gimmick to separate yourselves from similar bands. I mean, Kid Rock did have a rapping midget when he first got famous.


Instead of running into Freddy in the hallway, Kristen bumps into the lead singer and another Dokken dude.
In place of the Freddy snake that tries to eat her, George Lynch bursts through the wall and lays a solo on Kristen.
She looks awestruck, as if Jesus Christ returned, picked up an electric guitar and started wailing away.


Buzzkill Freddy snatches Lynch and Kristen follows after them.

Kristen catches up to Freddy, but Dokken pops up too, starting with midget drummer.


Freddy is no match for the rocking power of Dokken, and in ironic fashion, wakes up; the video being his nightmare, not Kristen's.


Join me next time as I watch Kristen 2.0 take on Freddy in Nightmare 4: The Dream Master.


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)



Nightmare 2 was a mediocre film, but viewed as a standalone film and it isn't as bad as it's made out to be. 
It was a financial success though, grossing $30 million on a $3 million budget.

New Line didn't like the critical response the film received and sought to rectify this problem; Wes Craven was brought back in to provide a screenplay.

Craven and  writing partner Bruce Wagner's treatment for Nightmare 3 was re-written into the version we now know by Frank Darabont and Chuck Russell.

Darabont would go on to direct The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Mist, and helped develop and produce The Walking Dead on AMC.

Chuck Russell would direct and co-write The Blob remake the following year in 1988 and has only helmed a select number of projects: The Mask, Eraser, and The Scorpion King.


"Sleep.
Those little slices of Death.
How I loathe them."
-Edgar Allen Poe



Film opens with Patricia Arquette as our lead, Kristen, making a paper mache model of Nancy's house.
She's desperate to stay awake, cranking up Dokken on her tape player and chasing a scoop of Maxwell House instant coffee grounds with diet coke.


If only New Line went after Jolt Cola to be used instead, it had "all the sugar and twice the caffeine."

Kristen's mom comes in the room, back from a night out on the town. She and Kristen's now absent father were some of the parents that set Freddy on fire.

While her mother forces her to go to sleep, we learn that Kristen has been having bad dreams, but Kristen's mom has a man to entertain downstairs and doesn't want to hear any of it.


Kristen falls asleep and wakes in front of the mache house she made. She runs after a little girl that went inside, eventually catching up to her and gets chased by Freddy.

After barely avoiding a swiping Freddy, Kristen bumps into a hanging body filled in a room of hung bodies, then looks down to see the little girl is a skeleton.

Fortunately she wakes up from her nightmare..........into another nightmare. Freddy slices one of her wrists, while in reality, Kristen took a razor to herself.


Youth suicide was on the rise at the time and considered a taboo subject to make any mention of.

Cut to the Westin Hills Psychiatric hospital. Max the orderly, played by Laurence Fishburn, is listening to the local news on the radio, reports of two more teenage deaths, suicide determined to be the case.

Max shares a theory he has on this with Dr. Gordon. It's fucked up chromosomes, according to Max; the kids parents dropped too much acid in the 60s and now it's effecting their children.
Dr. Gordon shares colleague's, Dr. Simms, theory: too much sex,drugs, and rock n'roll, which Max thinks is the only reasons to live.

Dr. Gordon passes some of the patients in the hallway; Taryn, who doesn't say anything and hurries away, Jennifer, who shares her variety of cigarette burns, and Philip, who runs past Gordon and Jennifer.
Gordon and the aforementioned Dr. Simms look in on Kincaid, a patient in the rubber room.


Kristen's intake to the hospital is going fine till they try to sedate her. The standoff ends with the reintroduction of Nancy Thompson.


Nancy is the hospital's new resident and she trades pleasantries with Dr. Gordon outside in the hospital's grounds. Gordon spots a nun after Nancy goes back into the hospital and the nun disappears as people walk by her.

Back inside the hospital, Max gives Nancy a tour and proper introduction to Philip, a sleepwalker who likes to make marionettes, and Kincaid, who makes it a habit of getting tossed in the quiet room.

Joey is another patient; a mute who has the hots for one of the nurses and a drawn-on teardrop under his eye.


Whilst in a nightmare, Kristen pulls Nancy into her dream with her, but not before being half way eaten by a Freddy snake.


Nancy stabs its eye and she escapes with Kristen, they talk about Kristen's apparent power the next morning.

Group that day introduces Will, who's wheelchair bound after a suicide jump, and Taryn is a junkie, probably heroin.

Freddy's first victim is Philip. Freddy becomes one of the marionettes and then turns Philip into one by stringing up his veins.



Philip's death gets written off as an accident and then a suicide when the kids claim that Philip was awake. This doesn't sit right with Kincaid and he gets put in the quiet room again.


Night falls and Jennifer is the next victim, well I guess Zsa Zsa Gabor is actually next.

Freddy welcomes that bitch, Jennifer, to prime time and the mystery nun appears again at Jennifer's funeral the next day.
Mystery nun says some jazz about cleansing the unwanted spirit to Gordon and disappears again.

Nancy holds a group session and tells the remaining kids why Freddy is after them, that they're the last of the Elm St. children.

They try a controlled hypnosis experiment next, resulting in Joey going after hot nurse lady, Will standing up and declaring himself Wizard Master in his dreams. Kristen does gymnastics, Kincaid bends a chair, and Taryn becomes a punker.

Meanwhile, hot lady nurse seduces Joey and tongue-ties him to a bed.

Freddy goes after the rest of the group, but Dr. Simms barges into the room, ending the hypnosis session. Gordon and Nancy are fired because of the recent events, and the disappearing reappearing nun appears once more to Gordon.

Mystery nun gives Freddy's origins to Gordon: He's the abomination of a nun being raped  by a 100 maniacs, just 9900 short of a 10,000. 

Nancy and Gordon go to meet Nancy's dad, the only person who knows where Freddy's bones are buried. He's an alcoholic now and a security guard and doesn't want to help.

Gordon is able to convince him and they head off to the junkyard where Freddy's bones are, while Nancy goes back to the hospital to lead Taryn, Kincaid, Kristen, and Will in the dream world and rescue Joey.

Kristen has deja vu of the first scene, but this time around, Freddy wants to know where the fucking bourbon is?
 
She backflips her way out of her room and into Nancy's old house. 
Cut to Taryn getting into a knife fight with Freddy, but she succumbs to a lethal dose of "drugs".

Will gets offed next, but I don't really care.

Meanwhile, Gordon and Poppa Thompson fight a Ray Harryhausen skeleton at the junkyard, with John Saxon not using any of his Enter the Dragon skills.


In dream world, Nancy, Kristen, and Kincaid rescue Joey and escape from Freddy. Joey starts talking again after yelling and breaking the hallway of mirrors that Freddy was appearing in and snatching his friends into.

Freddy pulls a Darth Helmet, fooling Nancy with an illusion of her father.

She isn't dead yet and holds off Freddy from attacking Kristen, while in the real world, Dr. Gordon pours holy water on Freddy's bones, defeating him.


Dr. Gordon sees the nun one last time at Nancy's funeral. He follows her till she disappears at a headstone, the headstone of Amanda Krueger, Freddy's mother and the nun's real name.

The movie ends after that revelation, no stinger or tease of a sequel. Freddy was laid to rest, for now at least.


Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge(1985)




Time to fire up the hard-drive and get this homoerotic horror film over with.

Yes, Nightmare 2 has the reputation as being the gayest horror film ever made, and I'd like to say that it's fine if you're straight, gay, bi, or none of the above. If I comment on something being gay, I in no way equate it with negativity, and with all that being said, let's do it to it.


Film opens with the title, Freddy's Revenge, slamming onto the screen like it's an action film.

Credits of the main cast:
Mark Patton plays the lead character Jesse. Robert Rusler as Ron Grady, Jesse's friendly rival, and Kim Myers as Lisa Webber, Jesse's love interest.

Two little tidbits about Myers.
1. She looks like Meryl Streep.
2. She would go on to star in another sub-par horror sequel, Hellraiser 4, directed by the great Alan Smithee.


We've got Crow T. Robot on Clu Gulager alert.


Robert Englund cameos as the bus driver. The only kids left on the bus are milquetoast Jesse and two girls that are mocking him.
The bus speeds past one of the girls' stop, the music picks up too, letting us know that something's not right.




Freddy takes the bus off-road through the desert and it ends up on two rock pillars after the ground around it collapses.


New Line isn't messing around this time, having Freddy appear six minutes into the film in all his glory.


Jesse wakes up screaming and covered in sweat, which is apparently becoming the norm for how he wakes. After a quick chat with his family, Lisa comes over and Jesse takes them both to school in his beat up car.

During pe that day, Jesse and Grady get to grappling while playing baseball. Grady's first move is to pull down Jesse's pants, he must be an Australian dick wrestling champ.


Their punishment is to stay in a push-up position until coach Schneider says otherwise. Grady tells Jesse that Schneider is a sadist and likes to hang around  gay S&M bars.


Jesse's nightmare that night is Freddy telling him that he needs him! Jesse has the body and Freddy's got the brain!


The next day, Jesse planned on going see Lisa, but Clu lays down the law and wants him to finally finishing unpacking his room as they've been living there for some time. 
This all leads to the rare dance montage in a horror movie.


His popgun goes pop right when his mother and Lisa come through his door. Lisa helps him unpack and finds an old diary of Nancy's right next to a board game called probe.


I would talk about them reading Nancy's diary and whatnot, but I have to point out that Jesse has a "No out of town chicks" sign on his door. You can tell it was checks and he covered the e with an i. Jesse either doesn't want girls in his room or just ones from out of town?


Jesse's third nightmare is "waking up" in The Persistence of Memory. He heads down to the basement and finds Freddy's glove in the furnace.


After an uneventful day at school, Jesse comes home to find the family birds going apeshit. One dies and the other goes on the attack against Clu, eventually com-busting. 


Instead of a nightmare, Jesse sleepwalks to Don's Place for a beer, getting stopped by leather-clad coach Schneider. Coach makes him run laps in the school gym, but he gets killed shortly thereafter by various sports balls and a getting his bare ass whipped.


After being brought home by the cops, Jesse starts to look rough and tired, drinking a big cup of coffee in the morning. He presses his dad about the history of the house and the toaster goes up in flames to end the argument.

Later that day, Lisa has Jesse take them to an abandoned power plant, the one where Freddy Krueger use to work at, it's also where he killed all his victims.


In what I consider the best, and maybe only, good scene in the movie, we get a first person Evil Dead camera work. Starting from the furnace and ending above Jesse's sleeping sister.
Freddy tells her to wake up, but it's Jesse standing over her, telling her to go back to sleep.


Bringing us to the last act.
It Lisa's weekend pool party and Jesse would rather leave than be there, making me wonder why go in the first place?
Lisa does manage to get Jesse alone and they start making out.

While rounding the bases with Lisa, Jesse gets a Gene Simmons tongue and runs off to go bunk with Grady.


At Grady's, Jesse wants him to watch him sleep in case something Freddy like would happen. I don't know what good Grady is and if Jesse didn't come over, Grady's death scene wouldn't have followed.

Freddy burst through Jesse's body and quickly deposes of Grady, then Jesse is back in control and bolts back to Lisa's to confess what's been happening to him.

"He's inside me and he wants to take me again."

The eerie music kicks in and shit starts going weird:
The pool starts to boil, hot dogs catch fire and explode on the grill, and the most horrifying of all, the beer brand beer cans pop and spray everywhere.


Freddy full takes over Jesse and starts wrecking shit at the pool party, causing the place to become an inferno with random fire shooting up.


Freddy leaves after Lisa's shotgun-wielding dad shows up and Lisa goes after him. She heads to the power plant from earlier, passing a pair of human-faced dogs and later, some mutant rats.


Finally confronting Freddy in a lame duck finish, she loves Jesse and this causes Freddy to start bleeding.
So, if Freddy Krueger posses someone you know, you just need to express your love for that person in order to defeat Freddy.

They share a kiss and it causes the damn place to go up in flames.


Jesse climbs up from the ashes of Freddy and the power of love defeated evil, score one for Huey Lewis.


Ending almost like the first Nightmare film ended; Jesse walks out the door of his house, his mother behind him, he gets on the school bus from the beginning, and sits by Lisa. Why not take your car?

CAUSE THIS IS A BUS TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!



Join me next time for the best movie in the series and the return of Nancy Thompson in.......